Saboteur

Contentment and Discontent wage war in my Psyche. 

Sometimes I sit back and let them go at it.  Playing no real role in the battle guarantees discontent a win… hands down…. every time. Then, true to his nature, he picks a new fight everywhere I go.

There are those intelligent moments. Moments when I decide to engage myself and wrestle discontent to the ground. I tie him up and throw him in a dark closet where he belongs. I feel happy. I accomplish myriads I’m called to do. I find great joy…. Right Where I Am.

This scenario is easy to bring about when in the throws 
of the everyday, mundane.

But…. When the scenary changes?  Times that should be the most joyous… Vacations, Holidays, Reunions with family and friends, at these times… discontent somehow picks the lock on his door.

Or does he? 

No, maybe he does not pick the lock. Maybe in the flurry of activity I hear his moans from the exiled darkness and….Dare I say…  It is true?  I, in my stupidity, open the door and invite him to dine.

It is hard to walk in God’s will, to learn to be content right where I am when….

I am my own saboteur.

My prayer when controlled by this discontent, released from exile by my own hand…

 Lord, make me aware of all I do. Even those things done in the darkest recesses of my heart. Those things that I try to hide from even my own psyche. You know the ways of my human heart. You see the constant desire for my own way. Continue to expose the lies I tell myself and replace them with your truth. Transform me into something that brings glory and honor to your name.

One thought on “Saboteur

  1. it's a hard truth, brave one 🙂
    brave to acknowledge it for what it is.
    brave to accept resposnibility for what is yours.
    brave to rest in the knowing that He alone can handle this.
    brave like King David:

    O LORD, you have searched me
    and you know me.
    You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
    You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
    Before a word is on my tongue
    you know it completely, O LORD.
    You hem me in—behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
    Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
    If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
    If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
    If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.
    For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother's womb.
    I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
    My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
    How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
    Were I to count them, they would out number the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you…
    Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
    See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

    oh brave one, may you meditate on His Word this day and rest in the knowing that yes, He is continuing to transform you His princess daughter who brings Him glory and honor!

    Like

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