A Wallflower for Mother’s Day

This Mother’s Day I get to be celebrated in my most favorite way. I will be taking a back seat, standing in the corner, holding up a wall while all eyes are on The Boy, my only boy.

My long history of people pleasing has left Mother’s day, a day where my investments are meant to be celebrated, feeling like a boxing match inside my heart. I don’t know how to rest and I don’t know how to be celebrated. I like to quietly do my thing and then stand in the corner and watch how it affects those for whom it was intended.

I like to educate my children and stand back and watch as they run with their new found knowledge. I love to plan the party, create beauty and offer it up as a sacrifice of joy for you to enjoy. But, please, I beg, just let me sit quietly on the sidelines and bask in the glow of your joy. I like to write quiet notes, uplifting words and offer them as gifts to my intended. My heart explodes with jubilation when I see you have a need and I meet it before you even realize it.

It is because of this struggle to be celebrated when I want to be the wallflower and this natural bent to do for others in my bizarre sideline manner, linked with my unhealthy method of pleasing people that makes Mother’s Day such an internal battle. On Mother’s Day I want to lay on the couch and fall asleep. Yes, wake me when it’s over.

This year The Boy celebrates his birthday on Mother’s Day, born on a Mother’s Day. I loved it. In a small room I went to work. My stomach hardened with contracting pain, and with The Man and my Mom at my side, I pushed him into the world. What a glorious day. As he drew breathe, preparation to announce his arrival, screaming into the room, all eyes turned to him. Exactly the way I’d have it. Visitors came. All who entered the room making quick eye contact and then beginning the scan, the search for the newborn, making steps toward him, drawn to his new life.

Each year, as I age and mature, I embrace this sideline, wallflower heart. I thank the Lord for this trait. I hold it close and develop it. I ask him to continue me on this road. This road, where I am used as hands to meet the need, offer the gift of the party, write words to soothe a heart. My prayer for you, The Receiver;  As you scan the room and we make eye contact, toss me a smile but continue your scan. If you do you will find him, waiting with open arms to embrace you. And as you are held, you’ll again catch my eye. I will be in my favorite place, sitting on the sideline basking in your joy, celebrating the delight of seeing you in the arms of our Heavenly Father.

He said, “Don’t be afraid. I know you’re looking for Jesus the Nazarene, the One they nailed on the cross. He’s been raised up; he’s here no longer. You can see for  yourselves that the place is empty.  Now — on your way. ”      The Message Mark 16:6-7

I am wishing you a very Happy Mother’s Day!

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