Confounding Question

“How Are You?”

Three little words.
They confound me.

My mind races to grasp what to say. My Dad is dying. Right now he lays in bed, eyes sunken, half lidded and we think he’s already seeing glimpses of heaven. His arms reach round like holding a beach ball, extending a hug to the unseen, maybe loved ones already on the other side.

“How Are You?”

Puzzled every time I’m asked. Three little words. I assume asked in reference to this life altering event, the dying of this integral man to my life. My mind filters through files and files of memories, moments and my face is frozen as my mind reaches to respond. I am lost how to respond.

“How Are You?”

And I am suspended in thought because I am well. The whole experience is beautiful. My own mind shocks at such a response. Loosing Dad is real. For days I’ve done mental cartwheels to understand how my response can be such. But what brings the tears? Why do I feel so overwhelmed that my chest is about to explode with it all?

“How Are You?”

I wrestle to put my finger on the factor, what is that one factor that does me in? What leaves me wracking with tears and gasping for breath?

And then I see it.
It’s Crystal clear.
This God, this creator, He keeps showing up. In a million tiny ways He keeps showing up to care and provide. And not just for me but for my children, my brother, our neighbors and I watch as this God gently loves The Man, tenderly cradles my broken Mom and this kind of love, it does me in.

I am in the midst of loss and the creator of the whole world keeps stepping in and caring for all these little people experiencing this loss.
It is overwhelming.
It is beautiful.
It is breathtaking.

This God, who gave His Son so I can dwell with my Dad on the other side. This swells in my chest and creates sobbing, wrenching tears. How can a being love me so much? How can he give so much so I can have so much? He just never stops giving.

“How Are You?”

It’s Ash Wednesday and the reality of mortality is nose to nose. So, I’m loading up my babies and we’re heading to church to worship this amazing God. It’s the least I can do as He carries me through this hard, hard life. I am honored to do it.

“How Are you?”

And now I ask my question of you. You see, I’ll be there one day. I’ll be reaching arms to hug Dad on the other side. I’ll rejoice as I enter God’s gates. I’ll worship at God’s feet holding tight to Dad’s hand. Yes, that’s going to happen one day.

Will you be there with me?

So, really, “How are you?”

Think on that question, the one that has confounded me for days, but first scroll to the bottom, pause the music then press play on the video and join me in processing the question:

3 thoughts on “Confounding Question

  1. I get it. I understand. This is the holy honor part of helping another person to die. That sounds so dramatic but it's true- as true as the beautiful honor of helping a baby to be born; like I did with Phoenix. I REMEMBER helping my father to die. It's shattering but oh so beautiful and brings a hush. I KNOW you are HEARING God in the hush Kelly. Thank you for posting and allowing us/me to be a little part of it all, and to pray with some awareness.


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